Well, you'll be constipated to learn that this morning I came across some very sad, shocking news. After I completed the task of drinking my morning Snapple, I rewarded myself by reading the Snapple fact under the lid. It wasn't so much rewarding as it was devastating. The fact read:
Pigs were banished from Philadelphia's city streets in the year 1710.
After the initial shock I clipped my toenails. Then I did some research to find out that this law has never been repealed. I was appalled. Then I was hungry. Then I was appalled again and I wanted to do something about it. I felt a need to tell the world how this outrageous law is still affecting many Americans today. I sat down with my good friend, Leslie, who is a Pig-American living in New York City's Upper West Side for an interview. (NOTE: The interview ran a little longer than expected so I took the liberty of dividing the interview into two parts. The second part will be released here tomorrow.)
INTERVIEW WITH LESLIE HOLGREEN - PART ONE
Cole: Hi Leslie.
C: Are you comfortable?
(Leslie takes a pig-like sip from her beverage mug)
C: Is that coffee?
L: No, Frank can't have coffee because of his heart. We just keep tea in the house.
C: Oh. I didn't know he was having trouble with his heart.
L: Well he's not now. This was a couple years ago. He's fine now.
C: Oh. Let's get started.
STAY TUNED! THE CONCLUDING HALF OF THIS INTERVIEW WILL BE POSTED TOMORROW!