Dear Loyal Servants,
You probably won't be surprised when I tell you I'm writing this entry from a hot air balloon right now. That so fits my character and who I am, right? As I type this I'm above 68th St. and Broadway where Kerri Russell is running out of the Food Emporium carrying what looks like a hundred boxes of Jello Chocolate Pudding. Oh, she's being chased by a clerk! He looks pissed! She's screaming something at him. She just shouted, "You can't catch me! I got all the magic puddings!" Oh... someone just pummeled her. Yeah... she's down. Kerri Russell's down; they got her.
Wow! The year 2009 just keeps on giving, doesn't it? I'd like to recap my year for you, but I won't. In short, it included a new career, some good face-time on TV, and Patti LuPone. Not too shabby for someone who's beat the shit out of a toddler. But my stomach is sore now and I'd like to put the computer down in time for when the balloon passes over those chairs in Times Square. I'm going to take a hot dump on the crowd below. Happy New Year!!!